Exit / Entrance
through “The Door”
Grace to forgive
Last week I had an amazing experience of forgiveness. Over the years I had carried a lot of pain in my heart that related to things that had happened in my family. They related to a tragedy that had happened in the family before I was born, and also resentments built up against my father as I grew up. I felt entirely justified to feel resentful and didn’t deal with it. Because I was all screwed up inside I was often a prickly character and I didn’t want to be like that at all.
A few weeks ago I came across a blog by Jake Owensby named Looking for God in Messy Places and started reading the lessons. They were very challenging for me but helped me to form a new view about a lot of things.
Eventually matters came to a head when I read the lesson called Every Exit is an Entrance. a lesson that was tailor-made for me. Over a few days I prayed and tried to recognise what the things were that were pulling me down. God allowed me to understand some new aspects I hadn’t understood before. I admit there came a point one morning where it just seemed too hard and I wanted to give up. I thought about where I was coming from and made a strong decision to push on. And that afternoon all the dark, weighty stuff that had been a burden just quietly receded away right out of sight. This happened so gently that I was completely unaware of it until the evening when I realised the weight had gone.
Later that evening I was having a relax before heading to bed and in my mind I could clearly see my father’s heart and all I could see was a heart of love – no shadows from things I resented. I realised I was seeing Dad as God sees him – a man who is forgiven. And I realised that was how I now saw him, that I had in fact truly forgiven him. And then I could also see myself forgiven for the prickly character that I’d been. The thing is, I didn’t have to “work” at the forgiveness. God by his grace gave me the gift of forgiveness. And once I forgave Dad, I was then able to understand that I’m forgiven too.
Today’s poem encapsulates this experience. Jesus is “The Door”.
Words by Exploring Colour. Photo from Pixabay.